It's okay not to be okay, sometimes.

January 8, 2015

People know me as someone who is always happy-go-lucky type.

I am a happy person.

The summer before college, I told myself that I’d live a happy life in college. I wanted to face my problems as a mature young lady who was facing her biggest challenge. My biggest challenge going into college was adjusting to having boys around the classroom. I had boys as my teachers during high school but from pre-school to high school I attended an exclusive school for girls.

For the first few weeks, I had a hard time adjusting to have boys around because coming from an all-girls school can have an effect you. You act like a total guy, you know what I mean?

Girls who know what I’m talking about what I’m talking about.

 I got along with my boy classmates/friends pretty quickly as a matter of fact.

Back to point, I only am happy because I don’t want people to see how broken I really am in the inside. I go through drama at home I wish I could tell somebody.

I can’t even erase the feeling of nervousness because I don’t even want to go home because I know I’d be hearing and seeing the same things again and again. Sometimes I am sick and tired of this person just making of people and they don’t even know how much it hurts.

I show a brave face in front of my family and in front of my friends. I want to show them how brave I am, it’s my main goal to not break down in front of everybody.

To be honest, crying isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a sign that you’re not going to face your problem alone. You know what I mean, right?

The toughest I have shown to my friends and family was the time I was labeled a stalker. I didn’t want to show people that I was hurt and that it pained me, but really it did.

Goal: Surround yourself with positive people. Keep Smiling.

It's alright to dream

January 7, 2015

I am currently sitting in this restaurant called “Lorenzo’s Way” in Greenbelt 5.

It’s my first time eating here and I am quite excited to eat.

Yeah, late lunch. J

I bought something from H&M, I bought sweatpants and I also bought something for my face from Landmark.

I am thinking about graduation and where I am going to be after college. I worry a lot about my future, but sometimes its okay not to think about what’s going to happen. You have to live a little and see how your future has in store for you.

That’s what I am very excited about.

I am always excited for what my future has in store for me. I don’t want to sound redundant but you know it’s true.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be so many things and dream of becoming someone big. I still do, though, don’t get me wrong. I have so many dreams in life and I wish that I could make them come true all at once.

Sadly, I can’t.

Things I want to be:

Ø  Director

Ø  Blogger

Ø  Youtuber

Ø  Author

Ø  Intern for WWE

Ø  Actress

Ø  Singer

Some quotes for you and me:

“Be the best version of you.” –Zoe Sugg

Goal: Be happy with what you have, alright?

Speak up

January 6, 2015

I am going to be honest with you guys here.

As cliché as it sounds, but I have been a victim of bullying. At least in someone’s life they have been bullied. I was verbally bullied; I was called so many names.

Background check: I come from an exclusive school for girls.

Many things can happen, like, so much in many right and wrong ways.

Back to the point, the one thing that I hated during high school was when I was called stalker. I bet you’re asking why, well, I was in 2^nd year high school I had this huge crush on a girl who was in the higher batch than I was. (She was in 3^rd year and I was in 2^nd year at that time)

Anyway, when she knew that I had a crush on her she made sure that my life was a living hell and let me tell you how much I hated. I didn’t want to go to school at all and I didn’t want to see my classmates because they knew how much I liked knowing them they’ll just tease me.

I was called a stalker because wherever she was, I was there, it wasn’t my fault because the school that we were both in was small and, of course, I couldn’t do anything about it really. She was also in the basketball team and her coach told the principal that I was stalker but I really wasn’t.

The only thing I did wrong was that I liked to her much that it caused me pain that was it.

There’s nothing

It’s something I don’t want to remember because it hurt me too much.

I started cutting myself, it’s a bad thing to do but I was just 14 or 15 at that time. She graduated the year 2012 and I was 16.

There’s something that I am very grateful for, it’s that I became a better person.

Goal: Stand up for yourself. Face your battles and don’t give up just because you’re going through a tough time.

Nervous feelings

January 5,2015

It’s already the 5^th day of the New Year and I feel like time has been going so fast.

Anyway, I want to talk about school. It’s a weird topic to talk about but since we’re going back to school in days or few weeks, I felt like I should be talking about it.

So I come back to school in a week or so and I am so nervous because I have no idea who my professors are going to be. The questions come flooding in my mind all the time every new term, “Are they going to be nice? If they are nice, are they going to be nice enough to give me a high grade? If they’re not nice, well then I am doomed.”

I exert so much effort in my studies and in the end; all I get is bad failing grade. To be honest, it hurts like hell. I have perfect attendance and I pass everything but I get a bad grade in the end because they deem me a failing student.

That alone hurts me.

It hurts me because I am perfect in my attendance even if I am poor in recitation and/or class participation. I pass my assignments on time and I also pass my term papers on time. I ask my professors if I am having a hard time.

Since it is the New Year, I am going to have a fresh start. I was able to do that in the beginning of 2014, but by the time 2014 was going to end. It went downhill.

I mean, there are going to be times where majority of the blame is going to be on me and there is nothing I can do now because that’s in the past now, right?

Goal: Do better. Do something everyday that brings you closer to your goals. If you don’t have you want; work harder. Dreams don’t work unless you do. Nobody said it was easy. Positivity is the key.

Lets talk about interests

January 4, 2015

It’s going to sound weird but I have taken interest in crime.

I have been getting hooked on Crime shows and real-life murder cases that I have decided after college I would take up Criminology or Forensics for a one-year course.

I started watching CSI and I have been starting to watching shows related to crime and murder. It’s really interesting because it’s cool how they get DNA out of a small piece of evidence found in the crime scene.

I have also started watching videos on YouTube about actual cases and some of the cases show the actual crime photos of the murders. Let me tell you how disturbing some of the pictures are.

The only reason why I have decided to take up Criminology or Forensics after college, it’s because I want to bring justice to the victim and their family.

These victims did die for nothing because they just felt like they should die.

One of my inspirations is Lt. Joe Kenda. He has solved over 400 cases and that has inspired me to push harder in the course that I am in. Nothing is easy and I am determined to finish college.

There are going to be times where you feel so happy and of course, there are going to be the craziest and shit moments in life. I have so much shitty moments but that’s not going to take its toll on me.

I have always been a warrior and a survivor. It’s something I’m willing to be until I die. I have also been a fighter and I’m known as someone who never backs down on a fight.

I stay happy in front of people but there are going to be times where I will break down in front of you. Y’all might think I’m crying for no reason but really, there’s a reason.

Goal: Stay happy and positive as much as you can. Treasure the people in your life because you might not know when they’re going to be taken away from you.